Saturday, November 1, 2014

Happy Halloween!

After months of wanting to be Elsa for Halloween Lexi changed her mind. Last minute wardrobe change! Thankfully I had recently bought her a cat dress & we had a leftover cat ears headband & tail so I threw it together & convinced her to be a Kitty Cat....which lasted only long enough for me to take a few pictures. But she was the cutest Kitty Cat!! Then she changed into her own homemade, cute princess costume. :) 

Lexi had been in the hospital due to a high fever & a cold, but she was discharged on Halloween afternoon! She wasn't able to trick-or-treat due to her having been in the hospital & still having a cold & her counts being borderline neutropenic. But, she was still able to enjoy Halloween! She was showered with candy at the hospital all day & also got to see lots of nurses dressed as Disney Princesses! We also had a great time at home. Lexi's Daddy surprised her with a Jack-O-Lantern pizza. Her nanny surprised her with a blow up Halloween Mickey Mouse. And she played dress up all night. :) 

Please keep Lexi in your prayers as she still has a cold. Thanks! :) 

Here are some Halloween photos :)


Lexi The Kitty Cat

Lexi & Her Mickey Pumpkin

Lexi The Princess

Lexi & Some Of The Nurses/Staff At Huntsville Hospital 

Lexi & The Frozen Characters 

Princess Lexi 

Lexi & Olaf

Lexi & Some Of The Princesses 















Monday, August 4, 2014

What Your Friend(s) With Cancer Want You To Know

Great article! It talks about things that most cancer parents want to say but don't because we are afraid. There are several things mentioned that I have wanted to say but have not. 

I also see this article as being an example of how cancer can change your life in ways you may never think of.

#raisingawareness #childhoodcancer #prayforlexi #readnow 


What Is Leukemia? Clip From ABC Family's 'Chasing Life'

I have been watching the new TV show, 'Chasing Life' on ABC Family Channel. It is about the life of a newly diagnosed cancer patient, April who has been diagnosed with a rare form of Leukemia called AML - Acute Myeloid Leukemia.

'Chasing Life' has actually become one of my new favorite TV shows. However, being a cancer Mom & a non-googling Mom, at times it is hard for me to watch. During some scenes I have to remind myself that it's just a TV show. Some of the things you see are real, some are not & some are edited for audience pleasure.

Sometimes I even have to watch it alone...just in case I get overly emotional.

I also have to remind myself that April & Lexi have two completely different diagnosis's which come with many different treatments, different side effects, different prognosis's and a wide array of problems once treatment is over. 

FYI: To be considered CURED of cancer a patient must be cancer free for 5 years post treatment. At St. Jude, this is called becoming a 'St. Jude Alumn' :)

I have learned that even though I understand more about Leukemia than I ever thought possible (& am still learning new things every day & at every single clinic visit) it is hard to explain to others exactly what Leukemia is. I've also learned that as much as I try to help people understand, some people simply just don't get it. 

So, when I came across this clip in an episode of 'Chasing Life,' I wanted to share. It is an excellent description & explanation of exactly what Leukemia is inside the body. 



Listen to Uncle George explain what Leukemia is & tune in to 'Chasing Life' on ABC Family Channel every Tuesday at 9:00 p.m. following Pretty Little Liars!!!  


Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Kisses

Due to the risk of infection, we are not able to kiss Lexi on the lips. Tonight, she told me, "when I get better, I can have kisses on the lips again!!" God love her. 

Lexi's doctors told us it's best not to kiss her on the lips for a couple reasons.

One reason is that (obviously) mouth to mouth contact causes germs to spread. A lot of people don't realize it, but, you could be sick & not even know it. You could have a cold or the flu for days without showing symptoms or running a fever. Lexi's immunity is so low that she can catch any sickness very easily. She could catch a persons flu or cold before that person even realized they were sick. Therefore, we have to be extremely careful with how we 'love on Lexi.'

Another reason is because anything that comes out of lexi- tears, saliva, snot, drool, pee, poop (tmi, but oh well) contains chemo--which is toxic poison. It is not safe for us to ingest or let it get into our skin. So, we have to be careful with how we handle those things. We are hand washing, germ-x freaks. 

I can not wait until I can kiss Lexi on her lips again!! But, for the next two years, instead of kisses on the lips, we give 'muggies' (eskimo kisses), butterfly kisses & of course, kisses on the cheek.  

Please go kiss your babies on the lips tonight! & be thankful you are able to do so! 


Sunday, May 4, 2014

Flashback

Currently reminiscing on old photos of Lexi in my Facebook albums & two of them made me very emotional. The "hospital with lexi" album (the day & days after Lexi was born) & the "Jessica Hembree Photography" album (Lexi's 1 month pictures). I was reminded of how healthy Lexi was & how I never thought that would change. Then, I saw pictures of Lexi's hair & it took me back to the day she was born & the first time I saw that gorgeous head full of hair with the swirl in the front like her Daddy's. I was in love with it. & SO in love with Lexi. She was more than perfect in every way. 












Then I kind of had a panic moment. I thought to myself, "oh my gosh where is Lexi's baby hair that I cut when she was little?!" Then I remembered...Lexi's hair had never been cut until October 9, 2013 at The Ronald McDonald House in Memphis, TN because chemo was making it fall out. 

I remember waking up that morning & getting ready to go to Clinic. I tried to brush Lexi's hair & it was so tangled & matted there was no way I could comb/brush it out. So, even though it was warm outside, Lexi wore a boggan to Clinic that day because there was no way I could fix her hair. We left RMH that morning knowing we were coming back & shaving Lexi's head. Her hair had already been thinning, losing it's curl, tangling easily & falling out.




We left the hospital that day & got clippers at Walgreen's & went 'home' to RMH to shave Lexi's hair. Her Daddy shaved his hair first & then shaved Lexi's. It was very emotional for me because it was her first hair cut & it wasn't being cut because I wanted it cut. It was cut because chemo was making it fall out. Lexi loved her hair too. It just wasn't fair & the hair cut was one more way of making things 'reaI.' Her bald head proved that she was sick. I know it may seem silly or selfish for me to have been so emotional about her hair, but I think any other mom would feel the same. 


I never thought I would have a bald baby (much less a bald baby due to cancer), but I was wrong. Even though she was bald, she rocked it & was/is still the prettiest girl in the world. 






Lexi often tells me she misses her long hair & never wants to cut it again. She also asks me if her hair will fall out again & i struggle with what to say...because, yes, it could fall out again. So, I tell her that the medicine might make it fall out some, but it will grow back. Currently, she has what she calls 'chicken fuzz' & it is so cute! She loves showing it off to people! She still doesn't have as much hair as she did when she was born but it is growing back! 





Here is my box of Lexi's hair from her very first haircut. Her child life specialist, Miss Stephanie, at St. Jude in Memphis let Lexi decorate the box herself. 

So very special to me! 


Sunday, April 27, 2014

St. Jude Memphis Photoshoot

 
 
Lexi has had the opportunity to be involved in several photoshoots for St. Jude in Memphis. Here are a few shots from one of her sessions. She loves posing and taking pictures and all the photographers and individuals on the Patient Outreach Team at ALSAC are in love with Lexi! BLESSED.
 
 
 





Life Changing


 I am a mother to a smart, funny, creative, beautiful, silly girl who is always full of smiles, laughter and happiness. She is phenomenal. She can brighten anyone's day with her infectious grin and those pretty gray eyes. She loves to play outside and drive her jeep around the yard. She loves to paint and color; anything crafty. She loves to be 'videoed' (so she calls it) and photographed. She loves playing chase. Playing chase has probably always been one of her most favorite things to do. She just giggles and runs until, eventually, she's told to take a break. She’s constantly ‘on the go.’ She loves Chick-Fil-A (nuggets AND ice cream), McDonald’s Happy Meals and pizza- but only if it’s delivered. She loves to read stories and have imaginary stories told to her. She loves to play dolls, kitchen and play pretend. Her name is Lexi Chase Lee. She is my pride and joy and my greatest accomplishment. She is MY HERO!

Lexi was born on June 28, 2010 at 7 lbs 11 oz and 20 inches long with a head FULL of dark blonde hair with a cowlick in the front. We called it her ‘swirl.’ I always wanted a baby with a head full of hair. And that’s what I got. It was love at first sight. Lexi’s Dad and I were so in love and so thankful that Lexi was healthy. She was a healthy baby who grew to be a very fat baby. I always wanted a fat baby with chunky rolls and that’s exactly what Lexi was. Lexi’s monthly check-ups with her Pediatrician were always great. Her doctor was always very pleased with Lexi’s growth, intelligence and overall health. But, that changed all too soon on September 23, 2013.

Actually, things were already changing in Lexi’s body, but no one knew it yet. Lexi started developing odd bruising. The bruises were prominently on the fronts of her legs, but they covered her entire body. We watched her to make sure she wasn’t falling down or running into things or anything else a typical 3 year old may do to cause a bruise. While ‘watching’ her bruising, I began to notice that none of the bruising had gone away, nor were they showing any signs of healing. Instead, the bruises were multiplying. Within approximately 1 ½ to 2 weeks, Lexi had 20 to 30 unexplainable, some darker in color, some lighter in color, thumb print size bruises all over her body. After noticing the excessive amount of bruising, with no explanation and no signs of going away, an appointment with her local Pediatrician was scheduled. I knew that bruising had something to do with blood and platelets, but that was literally all I knew. I didn’t even Google anything because I ‘just knew’ Lexi was fine.

So, the next Monday morning I took Lexi to her doctor’s appointment. After explaining my concern about Lexi’s bruising and the doctor examining her, she looked at Lexi and said, “She is a country girl, always playing outside and running around, so let’s just hope that’s the case, but I want to send her for blood work just to be safe.” That’s really all I remember of the appointment, other than the usual “she’s so cute and so smart.” So, we left the Pediatrician’s office and went to the local hospital and had blood work done.

Afterwards, we went home and Lexi played outside all afternoon with her cousin Ryder. I remember watching them playing and thinking to myself, ‘There’s no way there’s anything wrong with her. She’s running, climbing and playing like a normal 3 year old.’ Then, about four hours later while Lexi was playing outside on the swing set, the phone rang. Lexi’s blood work came back abnormal and we were told to take her to Huntsville Hospital as a ‘direct admit.’ Fear and confusion set in. I had a really bad feeling in the gut of my stomach, but I still did not want to let myself believe there may be something negative happening with Lexi’s health.

Just a few hours after having been playing outside with her ‘best friend Ry,’ she was inpatient at Huntsville Hospital being poked for more blood work. Later that evening we got news that Lexi may possibly have a blood disorder or Leukemia. Actually, the Oncologist, Dr. Cox said, “If I was a betting woman, I’d put all my money on Leukemia.” She then said that they were waiting on another Hematologist to look at Lexi’s blood to rule out or confirm Leukemia. That particular doctor would not be there until the next day, so, we were left with that news to try and digest. To this day, I don’t know if that was the doctors’ way of preparing us for the truth instead of throwing it at us all at once or if another Hematologist actually did have to examine the blood as well.

 Even just hearing the fact that Lexi ‘might’ have Leukemia was very hard to accept. It was the last thing we thought we would be told. She had always been so healthy, so we tried to stay positive, even though I think we all knew the truth deep down inside. But, of course, no one wanted to admit it. We faithfully prayed and put all of our trust in God. We all had a hard time being left with the knowledge that my baby might have Leukemia. All I wanted was an answer. I did not want to wait for an answer. I didn’t have to wait very long.

On the afternoon of September 24, 2013, the Oncologist came into Lexi’s room and told us the confirmed unfortunate news. Our beautiful daughter who we had bragged on since birth for being so healthy and never getting sick had the c word. She has cancer. She has Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia, commonly known as ALL, or just simply, Leukemia. That was the day our lives changed forever. We did not know what to do other than pray. We were taken into a family counseling room where the doctors at Huntsville Hospital gave us some information on the diagnosis and gave us options as to where to receive treatment for Lexi. When St. Jude Children's Research Hospital was mentioned, we knew that was where we wanted Lexi to be. I have no specific reason for choosing St. Jude other than having seen their commercials and knowing that they are responsible for doing the research and finding the medicines that work. I knew St. Jude was working to find the cure. We knew there was no better place for Lexi to receive treatment. No family ever pays for anything at St. Jude. No family ever gets a bill. St. Jude offers housing for long-term stay, a meal card, a Kroger gift card, they pay mileage. St. Jude not only works to find cures, but they take special care of the patients and families that come in and out of their doors. Without St. Jude and its research, my daughter may not be here today. Because of St. Jude and its research, my daughter, as well as many other children, is getting a second chance at life. For that, I am so very thankful.

So, that night Lexi was loaded into an ambulance and sent to St. Jude Children’s Research Hospital in Memphis, TN. I was allowed to ride with her up front but I could not see her (because of the way the ambulance is arranged). Lexi’s Dad and grandparents followed behind. Lexi was very good for the ride to Memphis. She watched movies with a couple nurses in the back of the ambulance.

At that moment I began to get very angry and very confused. I don’t know why the anger set in all of a sudden at that point… Maybe the ambulance ride is what confirmed that everything was real. No bad dreams, but really, really, bad reality.

I want my blog to be as honest as it can be so I want to honestly say that I don’t remember much from the minute we got to St. Jude until approximately two weeks after. I wanted to numb myself from what I was feeling. And that is what I did. I did not pay attention when doctors or nurses would come into Lexi’s room because it made it all too real. What a crappy excuse, right? I know… I am so embarrassed and regretful. I wanted to take the diagnosis away from Lexi and put it on myself. Mommies are supposed to be able to fix anything and everything and I had a very hard time accepting that this is something I am not in control of and that I cannot fix. I kept praying for a phone call… someone to tell me that Lexi was fine… that her blood work was read incorrectly, the doctors were wrong and Lexi was healthy and okay and we could go back home to normal life. But, obviously, I never got that call. And realistically speaking, I knew that call would never come. After speaking with our social worker, he helped me realize that I could not take care of Lexi if I do not take care of myself. Things changed after that. It was eye opening and embarrassing all at the same time. I have no excuse for the way I handled things… the things I did, the things I said, the way I spoke to and treated others….even my family who only wants to love, support and be there for me. I’m so thankful that they were able to overlook my outbursts and still love and support me anyway. I am not excusing my actions, but I will say that you don’t know what you will do or how you will handle things until you are put in my situation. My child has a 3% chance of not beating this disease. Even though the survival rate is 97% --there is still that 3%. That scares me. It gives me panic attacks. It makes me mad with rage and it makes me     question God – why my baby?? – Sometimes it even makes me angry with God. I ask forgiveness for my anger toward Him and try to focus my anger on the fact that He has a plan. Even though I may not understand it, He does. God has a plan for Lexi and her life and I trust that His will be done. His plan for her is far more than I can ever imagine.

There is no way that I will ever be able to say “thank you” enough to St. Jude and it’s researchers and staff for taking care of my daughter. I know she is in the best hands. God’s hands and St. Jude hands. There is a painting at St. Jude that was created by a patient and it says, “St. Jude is Protected by God’s Amazing Grace.” Every time I see that painting, I feel a tingling in my heart and a weight lifting off my shoulders. I feel an extreme assurance that Lexi is going to beat this.

I have wanted to start ‘blogging’ since September (2013), but I did not feel ‘ready’ until now. I had no idea where to start or what to write. However, now I am ready. I am ready to write and share Lexi’s story. Depression is a battle I deal with within myself everyday and I think my love for writing (and newfound love for blogging….I’m still learning so don’t judge. ;) will be the perfect outlet for my emotions as well as for chronicling and sharing Lexi’s journey. I think blogging will be a great way for me to express my feelings, share Lexi’s milestones and accomplishments, along with her not so good days too. I regret not starting a journal or a blog on the day of Lexi’s diagnosis, but there was so much information being thrown at me, and to be completely honest, my mind was not there. Literally. A friend from Facebook inspired me to start writing now because it’s never too late. Thank you, Ariel. Now that things have become more normal (not ‘normal’ but ‘normal’ for us) and we are on a routine and have had time to digest and accept and learn about the diagnosis and prognosis, I am now ready to write and I am ready to share Lexi’s story…and my story too…..the story and the life and the struggle. I don’t like to admit the struggle… but it is true. I struggle every day… emotionally, physically, mentally. I am not asking for pity or trying to make this about myself… I am simply stating the truth.

Please forgive me if my blog posts are jumbled or if one post is about today and the next about months ago… I am going to write and blog as my thoughts are triggered. I want to share all of Lexi’s story so that means there will be some ‘going back and forth.’

Ultimately, my goal in publishing my blog, ‘Life With Leukemia’ is to share my daughter’s special story, to share the good days and the bad (even though, I PROMISE there are WAY MORE good days than bad days- thank GOD!), to inspire others, to raise awareness for childhood cancer and to raise awareness for the need of funding for childhood cancer research. My prayer is that Lexi’s story and her journey will change lives. I also pray that Lexi grows old one day and I am able to pass this blog to her so that she can read and understand exactly what she went through at such a young age. My worry is that she is beginning to form memories and I do not want her childhood memories to be of hospitals, ‘sleepy rooms,’ medicine, chemo…. And everything else that my baby girl has to endure in order to beat this monster. Please add Lexi to your prayers as we still have a long 2 ½ years of treatment ahead of us and it’s not over after those 2 ½ years… there will be worry for the rest of Lexi’s life.

Below is a photo of Lexi in October 2013 (on the left) shortly after diagnosis and another is several weeks later once she lost her hair. Still so gorgeous!
I will add more before and after photos at a later date.
<3