Flashback

Currently reminiscing on old photos of Lexi in my Facebook albums & two of them made me very emotional. The "hospital with lexi" album (the day & days after Lexi was born) & the "Jessica Hembree Photography" album (Lexi's 1 month pictures). I was reminded of how healthy Lexi was & how I never thought that would change. Then, I saw pictures of Lexi's hair & it took me back to the day she was born & the first time I saw that gorgeous head full of hair with the swirl in the front like her Daddy's. I was in love with it. & SO in love with Lexi. She was more than perfect in every way. 

Then I kind of had a panic moment. I thought to myself, "oh my gosh where is Lexi's baby hair that I cut when she was little?!" Then I remembered...Lexi's hair had never been cut until October 9, 2013 at The Ronald McDonald House in Memphis, TN because chemo was making it fall out. 

I remember waking up that morning & getting ready to go to Clinic. I tried to brush Lexi's hair & it was so tangled & matted there was no way I could comb/brush it out. So, even though it was warm outside, Lexi wore a boggan to Clinic that day because there was no way I could fix her hair. We left RMH that morning knowing we were coming back & shaving Lexi's head. Her hair had already been thinning, losing it's curl, tangling easily & falling out.

We left the hospital that day & got clippers at Walgreen's & went 'home' to RMH to shave Lexi's hair. Her Daddy shaved his hair first & then shaved Lexi's. It was very emotional for me because it was her first hair cut & it wasn't being cut because I wanted it cut. It was cut because chemo was making it fall out. Lexi loved her hair too. It just wasn't fair & the hair cut was one more way of making things 'reaI.' Her bald head proved that she was sick. I know it may seem silly or selfish for me to have been so emotional about her hair, but I think any other mom would feel the same. 

I never thought I would have a bald baby (much less a bald baby due to cancer), but I was wrong. Even though she was bald, she rocked it & was/is still the prettiest girl in the world. 

Lexi often tells me she misses her long hair & never wants to cut it again. She also asks me if her hair will fall out again & i struggle with what to say...because, yes, it could fall out again. So, I tell her that the medicine might make it fall out some, but it will grow back. Currently, she has what she calls 'chicken fuzz' & it is so cute! She loves showing it off to people! She still doesn't have as much hair as she did when she was born but it is growing back! 

Here is my box of Lexi's hair from her very first haircut. Her child life specialist, Miss Stephanie, at St. Jude in Memphis let Lexi decorate the box herself. 

So very special to me!